bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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