I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
