my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My life is pants optional.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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