well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
