32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
