I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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