someone get that fucking seahorse.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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