so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
