after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
