The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
