I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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