Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
