It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
