She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
