whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
