I'm jealous of your bromance
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
