my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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