My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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