I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
