the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
These tits shall not be calmed
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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