she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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