Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
