I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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