in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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