u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
