I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
