Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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