It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
