whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
