she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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