I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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