I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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