some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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