I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
