I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
