I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
