A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
