I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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