He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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