Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just cut my nipple shaving
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize