i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
