Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
