my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
