Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
