do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
