New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
