So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
