how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
