there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
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