yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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