There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
wow bdsm is so cute
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