am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize