he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
