I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
