I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
