Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
