i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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