Already got asked if we're dating
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
