I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
