Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
