Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
