So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
