Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
