I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
