she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
