Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
