you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
