I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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