Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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